Random "suckiness".....with an amazing ending

I've had this blog post in my head for a while....with some doodles on a piece of paper.  But I could never bring myself to actually type it.  I wasn't sure why.  Just figured "busy-ness" kept me from it and I would get to it.  Now I think it's because I never had the right ending.  I don't like being negative.  When I get in depressed, negative moods, I prefer to stay home in bed and not go around anyone because I truly like being the person that infects others with my smile and positivity not the person who brings the room down.  Lately, I've been the one who brings the room down.

So that's where this post begins.....

Random "Suckiness"

It sucks when you have to finally wash the dishes because you go to eat something and you realize you don't have any clean silverware.

It sucks when you make a great-looking steak and then remember you don't own a steak knife! LOL! (PS - Sharp butter knives work.)

It sucks when you finally break down and buy an outdoor table (for only $99! Woo woo!) and you are stoked to put it together and use it to only get to the very end and realize there is a piece missing.

Cancer SUCKS!

Watching someone you love dwindle away so quickly to a disease that had never really affected your lives before....sucks.

A life that will never not know the big "C" word again....sucks.

A disease that seems to have more power than anything in this world....sucks.

Divorce SUCKS!

Running into your kids at Wal-Mart and then having to put them in their dad's car to go home to a house that used to be yours, has all of your stuff in it, all of your spirit and life that you created in it, but isn't your home anymore....sucks.

Being a single mom.....whoa, this sucks a big one!

Making life altering mistakes that you can't take back....sucks.

Not being able to fix a mess you made...sucks.

The devil stealing your life and then wasting years of it on stupidity...SUCKS.

Regret. Failure. Unforgiveness. SUCKS. SUCKS. SUCKS.

But FREEDOM......is Beautiful.

I came to a new realization today.  A new focus.

GRATEFULNESS.  BEAUTY.  FREEDOM.

Not just because it's Thanksgiving. Today I realized that my woes and sadness are positive....odd to say, I know. But it's because I'm grateful. My sadness is a result of something good. Praise God!!! (Stay with me if you don't get it....I'll explain.)

I was a different person for a few years....
someone who wasn't me....
someone who couldn't see the reality of my situation....
someone who couldn't get out of the brainwashing enough to see the trees through the forest....
....so how am I not still in the abusive relationship I was trapped in?
GOD SAVED ME!!

He finally got something through to me that clicked in my head so I could wake up and leave and realize that I wasn't me. He rescued me!

I could still be in that situation. I could be a miserable human being 40 or 50 years from now who couldn't escape and my children hated me for the situation I kept them in and the life I made them live. God woke me up!!!  I'm so grateful to him for that. Grateful for a counselor who made me get real with myself about life. Grateful that I am free to be me again. I am learning to appreciate all of my blessings in whatever way they happen.

I get to live the rest of my life not under the spell of some evil man.
I get to live the rest of my life not trapped with a child with a miserable, evil man.
I get to live my life happy with the me I've become.
I get to share my story with others and hope I can help someone else hear God sooner.
I get to be close to my family again.
I get to try to recover things I lost.
I get to live a beautiful life even if I don't recover every single thing....I get the chance to try!!

I am grateful God saved me.  That is my story.

Cancer may suck.  Divorce may suck. Stupid annoying things in life...yep, they still suck.
But my God is the saver of all "suckiness."

Do I still have bad days.....absolutely! Lots of them! Some days I can barely function after the memories bubble to the surface of how I destroyed my family and hurt the people I love so badly. Those are the days I usually have to forgive myself again and thank God for his amazing grace!! (Wow, have I learned what that song really means!) Forgiveness is never a single action. We have to forgive over and over again...that's the only way forgiveness works. I've had to learn that in forgiving myself. Thank God he doesn't have to continually forgive us for one thing over and over again. He forgives us and forgets about it. Praise God!!

So, let me encourage you....wipe those tears....find out what is keeping you chained up and don't let it have any ownership over your life anymore.  God helped me break free of a relationship....that, yes, never should have happened to begin with....that was unhealthy and cancerous to my life and the world around me....I was rescued from that. God did that.

I'm going to trust that he's got it the rest of the way and I will let him drive.

School has started but I'm learning!

School has started and I love a couple things I learned about the kids today.

Charlotte had to take 4 items to school to describe herself and I was amazed at how perfect her choices were.

1)  Her Cinderella jewelry box from Disney World - because she loves princesses and of course, Disney

2)  A locket bracelet - because she loves jewelry and accessories

3)  The cousins 2014 Christmas picture - because she loves her family and her cousins

4)  A little plastic animal that goes with one of her dolls - because she loves animals!

That's my Char! That is a great description of her!!!

Drea brought home new books that she checked out from the library today. We were picking what to read at bedtime and she showed me the elephant books that she checked out. She explained why she moved on to elephants.... She has literally read EVERY book that her library has on dolphins. Every dolphin book. So she started reading her next favorite animal, elephants. Truth be told, she probably had read most of the sea life books altogether not just the dolphin books. Also, I think her librarian ordered some additional dolphin books because she loved them last year.

I love that kid. Her thirst for knowledge amazes me! How about owning that fact when you begin 4th grade....You have read an entire section of books so you have to move on to another. And just so you know, this isn't a tiny little library in some tiny little school. It's a nice-sized library.  I kind of forget most days that she's 9.  ;-)

From the mouths of babes

My dad's in the hospital right now. They are trying to figure out what's wrong with him. I took the girls last night and they were so thoughtful and caring, wanting to color pictures for Papaw, Charlotte laid her little new squishy sea turtle on Papaw, and Drea picked out a worry stone for him in the gift shop that meant courage.

Later when we were sitting watching daddy sleep, Charlotte said to me, "Mom, I wish this wasn't happening to Papaw....I wish this was happening to someone else." Oh my goodness....from the mouths of babes. I didn't want her to think her concern was wrong so I told her it was ok how she felt but I wished this wasn't happening to anyone and wished Papaw was better.

I just love her sweet heart and her mind.

Heading into summer

I'm truly enjoying this weather and the rush from spring in to summer.

I have learned that I thrive outside experiencing God's beauty in nature. There's so many things I want to do this summer... kayak, learn how to ride a horse, sit on my deck and read, ride my bike, and just anything outside. (I say that until it's 100 and humid outside. Lol)

The picture below is of Drea enjoying the weather. Sitting in the sun reading and reading a snack. That was....until grass was getting in her drink and food because I was mowing while she was relaxing.

This is the neighbor's tree beside my house. It's beautiful! It makes me think of the azalea bushes that used to be in front of the house I grew up in on Morgantown Ave. 

This has been the pastime Charlotte has been enjoying with the spring weather. Caterpillar collecting. She doesn't understand why they all die in her little science experiment bucket.

Found my spot

The other day I remembered about a great spot my old boss took me to before to get out of the office and eat lunch on a gorgeous day outside.  I decided even though it's at least a ten minute drive I would probably enjoy the serenity and even just to sit there for 30 min would be a great getaway.

I was right. It was wonderful.

I spent time writing. Feeling the warm sun and a soft breeze on my face. Hearing the birds chirp and....I'm dead serious....some squirrels run across the brick walkway. I promise it's not made up. It's just a place where I can get away and hear the sweet sounds and appreciate the beauty God made. 

I'm so grateful that God made me the kind of person who can sit and feel closer to Him just while taking in his creation. 

This is the Memorial Garden at VA Hospital in Clarksburg.

Charlotte turned 6

Yeah, I didn't miss it....I promise.  I just haven't been making time for myself to blog and I bought a new camera and I procrastinated taking the pics off my camera. I'm too spoiled with my camera phone and uploading straight from there.

Anyway, I digress....

Charlotte had a birthday about a month ago. Drea and I had so much trouble getting her to make a decision on a party theme. She said she wanted Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TMNT), then mermaids, then Barbies, then Hello Kitty, then TMNT & Hello Kitty together, then Barbie & mermaids together. Lol. I'm pretty sure there are tons more I'm forgetting. Drea and I kept laughing and laughing at her about her ideas. We finally helped her decide on mermaids and do an under the sea party.

Here's my little princess in her mermaid costume. She had it from Halloween a couple years ago. Drea and I think that's really the only reason why she went with Mermaid theme. 

We hoped it would be nice enough to have the party outside (even though it was only the middle of March) but it rained most of the day so we had to make provisions for inside.

Below is the Sand Art activity that we planned for the kids to do. It was the main thing Charlotte wanted her guests to do. It was fun and a perfect activity for the basement so there wasn't too much of a mess to clean up.

Drea was allowed to invite a couple of her friends. Here they are being silly.

This is Charlotte in the photo cut-out she asked me to make. 

Here is the mermaid cake she asked me to make. She was dead set on having her mermaid Barbies incorporated on the cake.

We had a lot of fun planning food that went with the theme.....like the grapes on the skewers back there that were supposed to look like seaweed, the seashell pasta salad, blue jello cups with the swedish fish in it, etc.

There are so many more pictures I could post and will if I find time.  But overall, Charlotte had an awesome time at her party. Both her and Drea thanked me that evening on our way to church (without me even prompting...lol!) 

I miss blogging lately...

Wow, I'm so behind....

I haven't blogged about my baby turning 6, about the awesome party we had for her, my birthday letters to both my girls, or really any of my regular random thoughts! Lol

Stay tuned. I will catch up soon.

Here's a random picture to hold you over. Drea and Charlotte comparing their height difference to the height difference of the chocolate milk bottles. Silly girls.

D & C Reading Nook

Drea loves to read! Charlotte is quite the little book girl too. I read a suggestion that said your kids would enjoy a space to read in and to escape in with a book. So I crafted a little reading nook for them. They love it. They haven't used it much yet...despite being super excited about it but it seems like we have been pretty busy lately. Anyway, hopefully they try it out more sometime. Drea sat one day and read a whole book in just a couple hours....like a older kids chapter book. So I just thought this might be a good spot for her. I'm sure once she tries it out more it, she will be in love with it. 

Things that make me happy....in case I haven't said it 100 times

If you know me, you know I'm an office supply geek. I've learned that I'm the same way about paint supplies. My heart feels completely full when I look at this picture and when I get a brush in my hand. 

A good glass of wine. No, that doesn't make me an alcoholic! Lol! I just appreciate the relaxing qualities of a nice wine after a long day....and it makes me feel like a grown up. Lol! My current favorite is Barefoot Sweet Red. 

This picture is Valentine's day with my girlies. I made them pancakes and decorated them with melted pink candy wafers. It makes me happy to do fun things like this for my girls! And they love it! (Please ignore the mess on the floor that Charlotte created 5 minutes before I had their food ready. Silly girl.)

The girls before school on the day of their Valentine's parties.

A night out with some old girlfriends!

Love this decoration/saying for a house

Working out with my sister makes me super happy!!!

When you can't fix it

Over the past couple years I've learned that I'm a fixer. Growing up I knew I was the peacemaker in my family. I did what I could to make sure everyone was ok with each other. I'm not sure how much control I had over anyone but in my mind I held this role. Now, I've learned that I've grown into a fixer. If I can figure out a way to fix something for someone, I would do it. I have worked very hard at recognizing this quality and trying to hone it in. As it's often not a good quality, I'm usually working on trying to relax and not focus on how to fix something.

This weekend was an example of this. I have a friend who was going through something very difficult. I struggled most of the weekend with their situation on my mind and often a panicky feeling like I should help. That's the problem. There truly was no way for me to help. I couldn't offer advice. I couldn't offer an ear to listen. I really couldn't offer anything.

That was so hard for me. There had to be something I could do. I racked my brain for ideas and ways I could DO SOMETHING! Part of it is being a fixer....part of it is truly caring about someone....you want to help make their lives better, easier, simpler. You want to help them fix what's broken or at least be there to listen.

So.....I prayed. I realized that's what I could do. That's all I could. But it was something. And praying about the situation was better than anything I could have done to attempt to help. God showed me that prayer is the best way to help anyone and the best way to fix anything. So I prayed. I let God be God and I prayed. I'm not God. We can all admit that's a difficult realization to come by. I'm not God.

So I prayed.

Old videos I found

I found these old videos of Charlotte and Drea hula hooping in the middle of Wal-Mart. I started watching them and couldn't stop laughing!!

Enjoy!

Click Here: Video 1

Click Here: Video 2

More CrossFit

No I'm not CrossFit obsessed. But I've been having some fun and learning a lot.

Below is some balance skill work which I was proud to finally get. The one arm handstand....now that may be years away. Lol. The other pic....me and my sis at the superhero fundraiser for Jack Rollins. The video at the end is of me working on Push Press technique and form.

CrossFit Kids

Our CrossFit box started a Kids CrossFit class.

I took the girls on Saturday before the team workout. They had such a great time! Even Charlotte who protested working out and wasn't going to participate at all! (Please see pictures of her enjoying herself below.)

Balance skill work in frog stands

Working on proper form for squats. Elbows up to keep your chest up.

Little cuties!

Everyone wanted to row with Momma (Aunt Stacey)

Cheesin' on the rower!

New logo I created for RoF CrossFit Kids

Joy

"Then I will worship at your altar because you make me joyful. You are my God, and I will praise you. Yes, I will praise you as I play my harp."  Psalm 43:4

I'm experiencing a tremendous amount of joy lately. For a while now I've noticed I just feel happy. Not just happy because happiness is fleeting and not a constant.
 
Joy. Satisfaction.

I'm enjoying life. I'm enjoying myself.

I haven't felt this way in a long, long time.

I can even say I like myself right now.  (Not sure I've ever been able to say that and feel real about it.)

God is so good.

I'm truly amazed at this place I'm in. I've never been so overwhelmed by joy. Mentioning it are a few days of this seemed silly, so I've waited until it didn't just go away to blog about it. And mainly because I want to shout it from the rooftops! I can't hold it in. The amazing part? It's not because of any person, or any success, or any tasks completed....So it's completely just God. I trust Him and whatever He is doing in my life!

God is good.

"Because of this, my heart will be glad, my words will be joyful, and I will live in hope." Acts 2:26

"Always be joyful and never stop praying. Whatever happens, keep thanking God because of Jesus Christ. This is what God wants you to do." 1 Thess 5:16-18

My baby turned 9....

Drea is nine years old. 

It dawned on me she may very well be a "tween" now. So I, of course, Googled it.... some sites say that is 10-12 year olds and some sites say that is 9-12 year olds. All I know is that is a scary thought that may baby has hit an age that seems old to me.

She is becoming such a lovely, beautiful, young lady. I can't believe she is nine!

I babysat for a lot of years when I was younger and I remember always thinking that 9 years old were big kids. They were just beginning that age between child and teen when kids start changing into teenagers, when kids start thinking they are too old to have babysitters but are definitely too young to be left alone, when kids start thinking more grown up but still child-like enough to enjoy life to the fullest! 
 

That's my wish for her this year....that she will enjoy this year to the fullest and that many of her dreams come true....

Stay tuned for my annual look at where my girls are this year and birthday letter from Momma. Check out some of the pictures below from Drea's Art Party for her 9th birthday: