Surprise! Kindergarten is a cinch, mom!

Charlotte brought home flash cards this week to work on learning letters and words. Today she also brought home a paper that said they are working on some sentences. Easy sentences like "Am I red?" and "I am a duck."

She read them to me!! She read every sentence right off the paper on the first try!! I couldn't decide whether to cry or be excited. So I teared up and shouted "Charlotte! You can read!!" She was so proud of hearing those words come out of my mouth and knowing that it was true that she beamed from ear to ear! We giggled and I kept saying it and she just hugged me and kissed me. Best day in awhile.

Guess what....my baby is learning to read. :)

I found this read to be down right HILARIOUS! So I wanted to share via my blog so that one day my girls can read it we they are having kids.

 

37 Reasons I’m Not Embracing The Moment

Image via Shutterstock

 

Sometimes I complain about motherhood. And every time I do, somebody somewhere somehow gives me the same sage advice:

Enjoy it before it’s over.

Live in the now.

Soak it up.

EMBRACE IT.

And generally speaking, my urge is the same. I basically want to punch them in the face. Not because it’s bad advice. It’s not. In fact, it’s the best advice ever. It’s solid fucking gold. It’s true and real and exactly what I should be doing.

This, of course, makes the advice that much more annoying, since I know they’re right and yet I can’t seem to pull together this much-desired full-moment-embrace.

At least not always.

There are various reasons for this during any given day. I’ve decided to compile a few.

So here you go: 37 Reasons I’m Not Embracing The Moment…

1. I’m so tired I recently told somebody I had a baby girl. Yeah. My baby has a penis. So until further notice, I had a boy.

2. It’s tough to really be present when your consciousness is sustained through 12,000-calorie, 25 grams of fat, 40 tablespoons of sugar, 6-shot iced coffee drinks.

3. No for real, there’s a time each day when I think I may actually die from this exhaustion, but then, like a beam of hope and light and truth, comes the drive-through espresso place and I know I’ll make it ONE MORE DAY.

4. But then I remember I will never lose the 30 pounds I’ve got attached to my ass if I keep drinking that shit. But I do it anyway because survival.

5. Speaking of shit, I’m pretty sure there’s baby poop under my pinky nail.

6. I made eggs for breakfast but my toddler “Only eats eggs on TUESDAYS!” So she screamed and wailed for approximately 30 minutes (even though she has no idea what day it actually is). Obviously.

7. It’s so damn hot I can’t stand wearing the “quality” nursing bra to support my 15-pound-each breasts – it’s so ITCHY! – but the cheap ass (comfortable) one from Target gave me a clogged duct and if I don’t wear the 6 feet of “quality” material around said boobs (and nursing pads), milk drips out of them and onto my clothing.

8. So basically, my choices are: Uncomfortable, hot and itchy or uncomfortable, wet and milky.
(Embrace that, bitch.)

9. I’ve been taking my placenta pills like a motherfucking boss but sometimes I wake up and I’m sure I have A.) Ruined my life and B.) Permanently ruined my life.

10. My toddler just peed on the pool deck.

11. Sometimes, my 12-year-old daughter and 8-year-old son bicker so long and so hard about something so stupid I actually pack up the insane toddler and screaming newborn and go to the park just so I don’t have to hear their voices for 15 minutes.

12. When we get there, they sit on the bench beside me and whine that it’s hot.

13. While my boobs itch.

14. Then I usually say something horrid like “GO AWAY NOW.”

15. And feel guilty about it because I know time flies and carpe fucking diem.

16. I embraced motherhood 15 minutes ago. Now I want to sit on this bench and play Candy Crush and pretend I’m still 21 and hot and living in Barcelona.

17. I have so many people demanding things from me ALL DAY LONG your voice has just become ONE MORE VOICE in the long line of voices asking me to do things and consequently I don’t hear you, at all.

But really, what part of “join me in the fight against helpful parenting advice is unclear to you?” Why can’t you just say “Yep.” When I bitch about motherhood? Why do you have to give me helpful words or whatever the hell that is because you know what I hear? All I hear is “If you were a better mother you’d be enjoying every second!”

18. Well shit. Now I can’t embrace the moment because you just told me to “embrace the moment” and now I feel guilty for not embracing the fucking moment.

19. And this leads me to think about how my tween will be 18 in 6 years and instead of living “in the now” I’m wondering where the last 13 years went and how come I didn’t “live in the now,” then, when I still had a chance and she was younger and nicer.

20. I’m thinking about money. Namely, the way we have none.

21. I’m wondering how that article that’s due this evening is going to get written when my baby decided that the only palatable life activities are nursing, sleeping against the boob (because I DIE WITHOUT THE NIPPLE MOM) and pooping.

22. I’m crying over nothing.

23. I’m answering questions from my kids about why I’m crying over nothing.

24. I’m making a mental note not to watch rescued-elephant videos ever again.

25. It’s 4pm and I just realized the circus needs to eat. Again. Why must they eat so often?

26. The dog ran away, out the broken fence. We need to fix the fence. He’s a sweet dog. I love that dog. I need to pay more attention to the dog. Sorry, dog. (No worries. We found the dog.)

Hey. Hey you. I AM EMBRACING MOTHERHOOD, just not at this moment. Why isn’t that okay? I ENJOY MY KIDS, just not at this exact second. Why is that a problem? Aren’t all jobs annoying at some point? Don’t all jobs have some aspects that suck? I mean if I were a lawyer and I hated doing time entry would you be like “Enjoy it.” Embrace it. Time flies. Someday you’ll be too old to record your time.” No. Of course not.

But this is motherhood, you say. Motherhood is precious. It’s all so precious!

NO. No, it is not.

Sometimes it’s not precious and I really, really think we’d all be better off if we stopped telling mothers to “enjoy every moment” when some moments are really, really (sometimes literally) shitty, full of nothing more than grit and dirt and work and grime (with a hint of cuteness).

27. I was up until midnight writing an article. My baby woke up at 3am and wouldn’t go back to sleep until 5am. At 6am my toddler woke up and bounced into my bed “I’m here to cuggle (cuddle)!”

28. It’s hard to embrace something when your eyes won’t open and your head is pounding and your arms are stuck under an almost-crying newborn and a flailing 3-year-old.

29. It’s 5am and I’m torturing my newborn with that snot-sucking device so he can finally sleep, FINALLY.

30. But I can’t sleep because I’m 97% sure he has whooping cough.

31. Better get on Google and explore whooping cough. What time does the pediatrician’s office open?

32. Oh great. It’s 6am! Here’s Georgia! Toddler cuddle time!

33. My kitchen smells vaguely of vomit and mildew.

34. My voicemail is 90% full. I fucking hate voicemail. Text, people. TEXT.

35. I have 17 flagged emails in my work inbox that need attention and my auto-responder says “Just had a baby” even though it’s been 5 weeks and they hover in the back of my mind like the most irritating buzzing fly you’ve ever heard.

36. My kids are eating mac and cheese again. I can only imagine what the processed cheese-like substance is doing to their brains.

37. We need to go to Costco but the tired. Oh. My. God. The tired.

And this baby.

And these kids.

THEY’RE JUST EVERYWHERE. And it never, never ends.

Eventually I give up, fuck it, park my ass on the chair and watch some 30 Rock reruns. For a minute I laugh, we all laugh, as the baby tries to nurse Rocket’s nose. And Georgia did her swimming lesson without crying. Came out beaming “I was SO GREAT in that pool, mama!” And the dog jumped in the kid pool like it was his own personal Raging Waters and my husband got an amazing haircut that makes me want to, ahem. And the grin on Ava’s face when she got her prize for reading 4 books at the library’s summer reading challenge. Oh, the innocence. It was almost as if she were 6 years old again.

I saw it for a second, just a second. My second, and hers.

As her smile hits my heart, I hear an explosion in Arlo’s diaper and something wet on my arm. I change him in the back of our hot SUV while the kids argue about who sits in front and Georgia removes her clothes, again, because that makes sense. I see my coffee in the stroller like a silent beacon of hope.

So there. 37 reasons I’m having trouble embracing the fucking moment.

And one or two that keep me trying.

Now please, for the love of God, stop telling me to embrace the moment. I’m embracing what I can, as best as I can, along with every other mother I know.

And besides, I embraced the fucking moment yesterday.

About the Author...

Janelle Hanchett is a mother of questionable disposition to three kids and a newborn. She lives in northern California with those kids and a man who thinks “getting dressed up” means shaving his forearm so his tattoo shows up more clearly. If you want, you can join her in the fight against helpful parenting advice at her blog, Renegade Mothering.

- See more at: http://www.scarymommy.com/reasons-im-not-embracing-the-moment/#sthash.olazl0a8.dpuf

I Am More...

Tenth Avenue North - You Are More: http://youtu.be/IwtcwQwgdsA

Heard this song....watched the video...the message is made for me. I don't often know this so I needed to hear this song so bad!

Random bits of goodness....

I have some random things I've wanted to post about but time has gotten away from me so I am smooshing them all together in one past so I don't leave anything out.

Drea's art exhibit

This was great! My dad made the suggestion that Drea should do something to have everyone over to see the newest artwork she made at her summer art camp. So we decided to host her very own art exhibit. We invited our family over and it really turned out awesome! The girls got into it and made everyone a plate of appetizers that they served before they were walked around through the exhibit so Drea could tell them about each piece. They even turned on fancy jazz music for their guests.

This is a cool panoramic photo I took of my dining room. It captured all of Drea's artwork and turned to be a neat shot.

Drea showing some of her artwork to her guests.

East Fairmont Rockets

Drea started cheerleading for her first time. She is cheering for the Rockets....The same football team I grew up cheering for except back then they were called the IUE Rockets. It feels so weird calling them the East Fairmont Rockets now. 

Drea's first cheerleading practice

Drea and her new friend Jaelyn at football team weigh ins. The girls cheered for the scrimage afterward.

Miniature golfing

One night after cheerleading practice, I decided to treat the girls to mini golfing. It was on a whim... Coal Country golf course caught my eye on the way home and I literally just turned that way off the interstate and surprised the girls. This is outside of my character sometimes and I love it. I love when I can make the girls night by spending some time with them outside of the expected mommy regimen. And it always ends up being some of my favorite moments.

Both of the girls really enjoyed it. On hole number one, Drea got a hole in one!

Trying to get Drea's ball off the giant coal man.

A day off before kindergarten

I decided to take a day off with Charlotte when Drea started school since Charlotte didn't start for a couple days. I took time off with Drea before she started kindergarten so I thought I would at least enjoy a day with Charlotte. 

We went to CrossFit and then took Theo to the park for a bit.
After my quick doctor's appointment, we went home and snuggled on the couch until time to pick up sissy. Charlotte loves cuddle time! And that was all she requested of me for the day so I was happy to appease her!

He has so much fun crawling through the tube!!

 

My little monkey 

 

The girls wanted to do something for Andy for his 40th birthday. Since he was out of town and there has been lots going on, planning a party wasn't going to be possible. So they decided to do something silly. We blew up balloons and filled his bathroom. (The bathroom was the smallest room to fill and the room we could shut off from the dogs without cramping their style! lol!) So we blew up balloons and decorated and closed the door so when he returned from Atlanta and tried to go to the bathroom he would be inundated with a mini-party! lol Here's a pic:

 

My little cheerleader!

Drea is a cheerleader now. This was her first year cheering for the Rockets. She loves it! These are some pictures of her during done of the games this season.

First days of school

This past week hosted the beginning of new eras in our lives. Drea started 3rd grade and Charlotte made her official school appearance in kindergarten!

Drea has always liked school but this is the first year I have actually heard her truly excited to start learning not just excited to see all of her friends. She said she couldn't wait to get back to learning fractions (yes, she's my kid who lives math so much it's actually exciting!)

Charlotte wasn't exactly excited about school but was ready to see some of the friends she made over the summer at kinderkamp. She would have preferred summer lasting months longer! But it had to come to an end and my baby started school!

Drea's first day of third grade!

Charlotte wanted in on Drea's first day pics. Kindergarten in our county starts a couple days later do the big kids have a chance to get into the swing of things before you throw the newbies into the mix.

Charlotte's first day of kindergarten!

And of course, both of them again.

Charlotte with her backpack like a big girl!!

Both of them being silly and showing off their backpacks.

At the school, ready to walk in. My big girls. 

Lastly, we always take the kids out to eat after the first day of school. Their choice: The Golden Corral. This is like their favorite place to eat. I've probably said it before but I think it's because they have so many options. Kids are picky so a smorgasbord of options where they can find quite a bit of their preferences makes their day. Plus, the cotton candy and ice cream helps! 

It struck me as funny when I looked at their plates after our first trip to the buffet. Check it out: 

Drea's plate: bits of random items she likes....a small slice of watermelon, pepperoni, little steps of tortilla chips, a roll, a piece of bead, and don't forget the small bag of oyster crackers that are just above her plate. She's so cute! :)

And then there's Charlotte's meal: noodles, green beans, corn, and a roll. I don't know why the way they easy so differently tickles me but I love their differences. They are so cute! I do not love these differences on a typical night of dinner at home! Lol! If I just served bread or rolls, they would be set! 

Oh, I forgot to mention that Charlotte found her bff, Poppy, on get first day of school. She was so excited because we didn't think they were going to be attending the same school. Here is a picture of the two of them enjoying their first breakfast at big school together!!

More vacation pics

I completely forgot when stating in my last post that my favorite part of the vacation was the tour boat that my real favorite part was our bike ride. Well, ok, maybe I have 2 favorites. Or if I'm like Drea and Charlotte "Theyowhl ahhh my fvwavorwites!"...in the words of Charlotte.

Here are some other great pictures. Below is Charlotte enjoying the lake and beachfront and then both of them running around in the water and sand, and then another day at the swimming pool.

 

 

 

Below are pictures from our infamous bike ride. We rented a Surrey (I think that's what they are called) and thought we would enjoy a nice, relaxing bike ride. Seriously, every time we drove down to the beach we saw all of these people on surreys looking like they were enjoying the little trek down the sidewalks and the breeze in their hair. THIS WAS NOT THE CASE. This was hard. Hard. We were pedaling like our life counted on it. Trying to get five of us up the smallest of inclines was a feat meant for the road runner apparently and not 3 overweight adults and an eight yr old! lol!!!

 

This picture was one of the evenings Bob and Drea were looking for beach glass, I think. I really like this pic.

 

 

 

Vacation

We went on a mini vacation....a long weekend to Presque Isle, PA with mom and Bob.

We had a great time. The girls wanted to be in the pool or at the beach every waking minute. This didn't bode well for them since there was a bad storm approaching when we got there. The picture below is our first opportunity to go swimming. I believe it was 9 am the next morning!

After their morning swim, we decided to take a ride on a tour boat. I probably enjoyed this the most out of everything on our trip. I loved sitting back and relaxing and just enjoying the cool air, the wind in your hair, the beautiful scenery, and the fact that my children had to stay in one place for the whole ride! Lol! Here are some pictures of our tour:

This was my favorite because I'm not sure I've ever been that close to a sailboat sailing through the water. (Not sure I've ever been that close to a sailboat at all but definitely not one in all its majesty fully taking in the wind and commanding the water.) Loved that!

I will post s couple more things from our trip later.